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Amusements


From time to time we all hear or receive a great story or joke that just tickles!!!!!!

If you have a good story, joke or something to share with others, email us and provided it meets our standards we'll include it here to share with others.

Please indicate whether your name as contributor is for publication.


You gotta love Robin Williams......  
Even if he's nuts!  Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our
UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.

Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with this logic!)

"I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan."

1) "The US will apologize to the world for our interference" in their affairs, past & present.  You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those 'good ole boys', we will never "interfere" again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the Philippines.  They don't want us there.  We would station troops at our borders.  No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave.  We'll give them a free trip home.  After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are.  They're illegal!!!  France will welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be tho-
roughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!!  No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in.  If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here.  Asylum would never be available
to anyone.  We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign "students" over age 21.  The older ones are the bombers.  If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort
to become self-sufficient energy wise.  This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness.  The caribou will have to cope for a while.

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil.  If they don't like it, we go some place else.  They can go somewhere else to sell their production.  (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere."  They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need.  Besides most of what we give them are stolen or given to the army.  The people who need it most get very little, if anything.  

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place.  We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school.  That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer.  The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE...Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

"The Statue of Liberty is no longer
saying 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.'  She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?'  "
(Taylor Sinclair)

 

Items of General Interest

If you have an item of general interest to share with others, email us and provided it meets our standards we'll include it here to share with others.

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OUR JOBS ARE SAFE AS LONG AS THESE PEOPLE ARE OUT THERE....!!!!!!!..

ONE .
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?" I replied.
"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right."
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

TWO.
I was checking out at the local Target with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.  Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"
I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."
She said, "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE.
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.  When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

FOUR.
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car "Do you need some help?" I asked.
She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

FIVE.
Several years ago, we had a junior typist who was none too swift.  One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.

With that, the junior took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

SIX.
My neighbour works in the I.T. department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers.
One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branches who had this question:

"I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

SEVEN.
Police in Dubbo NSW interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopier machine.  The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

Life is tough... It's tougher if you're stupid
(Leonie Maynard)


Next Story:

 

More Delights below!!

Dire consequences

OK ... one may ask just what does "Van die wal af ... in die sloot in" really mean ???

Then have a look & laugh and you will find out it means 'you're in the pooh'


 

Click to view Dire Consequences

Here's a puzzel to test the best!!

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